March 3, 2015
The Palace Run
Preamble: (by Ass-Ass-In) (Sorry Ass-Ass-In but the foreplay to this chapter has been censored)
Upon coming early, (I believe this has been a complaint about Ass-Ass-In before), I spent my time wisely gleaning much valuable inspiration from an array of exercise stations funded by the public purse and clearly designed by some English Literature graduate who could not find a job teaching the next generation of English Literature undergraduates!
Elements of the WA combined Hash clubs with a sprinkling of interstate visitors start to arrive. Halfway starts collecting the cash for the curries (***more about that to come) C-man sells his raffle tickets and we set up the bus. In no time at all it is 6:30 and time for the fun to begin.
Perth Harriette Run #1901
Yours truly (Ass-Ass-In) on the crate for the start…good practice, eh! A polite greeting to the Senior Harriette at the run. Sorry, Wombat, that is most important type senior not the oldest type senior. (phew, lucky he explained himself). We have two things in common…..cries of ‘It’s the tits’ from some Perth rabble….not sure which of us should feel insulted. (I wasn’t, not often I get recognised as having any!!!) No, it is that our GMs are both ‘missing in action’. No! Not that kind of ‘action’, they are in different places (or so we are told), and we are both competing for the prize of ‘most ridiculous committee hat of the year’. Is it the one with the dandelion (Sunflower) on the front or the two sizes too small ‘Hello Sailor’ option? Opinions are divided. (We all know the Sunflower is sensational, so, ‘Bye Bye Sailor’).
MelAdjusted takes the crate and sends the pack on their way for 6.5 km of shiggy, bush, and back alleys he says, before rushing off in his truck to the drink stop. Most of the H4 team stay back, (because really, they can’t run!!), to help finish setting up and attempt in vain to reduce the 900 gazillion mossies in the park down to manageable numbers.
The pack gets back about 40 mins later…… GPS says only 4.5 km?????….. none the less, an excellent run and ‘fit for purpose’.
- Introduced the seventeenth most important person at the circle….. he had his book in hand and his upper lip was quivering in anticipation….. warm-up… ‘me, me, me, me, me’, ‘u,u,u,u,u’..OK!! Get on with it.
- Anything but the cricket…where were you, Boof? (Boof! Boof! Who the f__ is Boof? haha!!!)
- Yep, there were a few, but I was too busy being important to take down any names. (You could have asked the other silly hat person to take notes!!)
- Not a chance! Visiting On-Secs instead!!!!!! Let the lazy figureheads figure that one out for themselves!
- Advertised the H4 Moses Rock Run on Saturday, the Harriettes Lunch and the Harriettes Jetty Run/Walk on Saturday…. yep! Lots of Busso Nash Hash News. (The two most important events, of course)
- Kebab called out……Couldn’t identify Exercise Stations for what they were but reckons she would rather be at the Tatts Club………take a drink. (The drinks might cost at the Tatts but at least we aren’t eaten alive ….. and those little p_icks we got weren’t from Hashmen either!!!)
- Ball Breaker instantly recognised that the quotation ‘The soul should always stand ajar ready to welcome the ecstatic experience’ was a veiled reference to sex…was she really at the hairdressers that afternoon or was it her seen emerging from the matinee session of Fifty Shades of Grey??? There are rumors in Hash that she has seen the inside of more bedrooms than you can shake a stick at!!
- Advertised the Bully 2000th run in October, well, sort of, everyone else reckons they can’t count and 50 runs have gone missing somewhere…….by the look of some of the Bully Boys they ate them!
- Phantom and all visiting Webmasters punished for allowing the interweb to intrude on my life…..text massages, FaecesBook (small aside here… is this how you spell faeces????? hmmm!! I’ll look it up in a dictionary…but if you don’t know how to spell it in the first place…. what the damn use is a dick_shun_ary!!! ) …..all that instant messaging stuff…I wish the world still used post-it notes.
- Tip’m was asked whether ‘patterning your life around another’s opinion is nothing more than slavery’….but she couldn’t comment as XYZ wasn’t there.
- Baboon brought his usual brand of mindless optimism to the circle and was asked whether ‘A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort’…he agreed…very annoying!!!
Flinished up with honalable Chinese Hash saying…..
Stop leaving and you will arrive
Stop searching and you will see
Stop running away and you will be found
Let’s hand it over to the RA with a strict instruction of ‘No ‘c’ words’. (Is that why there was no cake???)
- Our newest member MrPotatoHead had a birthday…hates cake, loves beans on toast…..but not anymore. Look of disgust from several Harriettes but I’m not sure if that was the beans on toast or just MrPotatoHead? (It was the beans on toast ‘cause we knew what MrPotHead would do later on!!)
- 4 x pairs of crays and a carton of wine, one bottle at a time. Well done C-Man, great fundraiser for the club. (Congrats to quite a few of the Harriettes taking off the prizes………. You Gogo Girls!!!)
- MrWong on the ice as the songs are sung… back to Halfway…..***
7:30 – Don’t be too long in the circle, the curries will be here soon (Songs are sung, circle is going round and round and round….. like the Curry pot stirrer!!)
7:45 – Rings ‘Curry in a Hurry’….. ‘We’re running a little late’… pssst (to fabulous Stand In H4 GM with the worst hat) …..string it out a bit
8:00 – They have left the factory (in Mumbai) and are on their way…….. just a bit longer (a call all good Harriettes understand…..)
8:25 – OK! Circle over….. They are refusing to answer Halfway’s calls (Wow!!! A first, not only for Hashers but Peeps Australia wide …. The Indians won’t answer the phone!!!) Hashers practice noose knots on a length of rope found in the park….. Some of the fat b*stards start foraging for grubs and nuts! (Possibly their own)
8:40 – Call from delivery vehicle….. Strongly accented voice wants directions to run site from Central Mumbai!
9:00 – Vehicle arrives, curry is served and all is forgiven…Halfway restrained from booting deliveryman up the Punjab…..
The meal might have been late but the run was fun, the peeps not creeps and the night alright.
Edited by Wombat with many thanks to our Guest Run Writer Ass-Ass-In (H4)
OnOn to Nash Hash and Nightfill’s Run
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop and on your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo but your horse just can’t overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running after you but, luckily, not gaining any distance.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Ass-Ass-In get your drunk off the merry-go-round!